Friday, February 20, 2015

And so it begins

 I met Jay in late summer of last year. This blog is a collection of our encounters, the dreams I have of him, and possibly random thoughts about our not so traditional relationship.  This is how our story begins....

I received a text from my friend Jenny.  She's having a happy hour for a friend of hers.  It's his birthday.  I have met Jay once before, but other than being extremely good looking and a great dad, I wasn't left with much of an impression.  I haven't been in the mood to go out in months, but I also haven't seen Jenny in ages so I agree to go.  The day is warm and I feel more like myself after a long day of training.  I run home to grab my daughter from school, leave her with my husband and freshen up.  I've been training so I'm pretty put together already.  Jeans that hug my body, a sweet polka dotted top that hides my large breasts and a pair of high heel boots.  Last check of the lipstick and I'm off.

I arrive at the restaurant and I can hear the party I'm looking for from the door. I see Jenny and walk over.  She stands and gives me a big hug and then her husband takes his turn.  I turn to the man of the evening, who is also standing to greet me.  I recognize him immediately, and I don't at the same. He is tall, dark eyes, and slightly unshaven.  He is a big guy and his shirt is tight enough that I can see how solid he is. I'm struck with how he didn't make a bigger impression on me last time. He wraps his arms around me to give me a polite hug and I am enveloped by his smell.  I shyly wish him a happy birthday and he returns a thank you.

A chair has been pulled up for me sort of at the head of the table between Jay and Jenny's husband.  There are a few other people, some I know and some I don't.  We jump right back into the conversations.  The conversation swings from all of our children, to the dating scene when your older, to making sure you wash your face after you eat pussy.  This is exactly what I needed after the last couple of weeks going round and round with my husband.  I just want to have easy conversation.  This is made much easier by the constant rounds of margaritas. Every time I want to bow out, there's another one already sitting in front of me.

Throughout the evening, Jay and I end up having little private conversations.  I hear him end each little side chat with, "So we have that in common."  He's not wrong and it echoes through me every time he mentions it.  Both of us doing very well, despite having twisted childhoods.  We are both the caretakers of the people in our lives.  Always there for someone when they need it.  We both order the same food.  I'm not a person that finds conversations with people I don't know easy at all, but this is very easy.  I find myself wanting to share things with this man, but I do my best to hold back.  The most difficult thing about talking to Jay is eye contact.  I shy away from it and he seems to need it.  Moving to catch my eye and then not giving it up. 

At some point in the evening, we have a small conversation about cheating, and if it can ever work out. Jenny and her husband are a product of cheating and he points to them as a couple it seems to have worked out for.  I'm not that convinced.  It's an uncomfortable conversation for me as I have been struggling with this for almost 2 years.  I've never crossed the line though and don't like to dwell on the thoughts when I am having trouble wanting to engage with my husband at all.  Thankfully, we move on quickly and rejoin the group conversation.

It’s getting late in the evening and the margaritas are in full effect.  Jay casually asks if I need a ride home.  I thank him, but politely turn down the help.  Truth is, I need a ride and it's probably going to get worse on the drive home, but I don't trust myself at all right now.  We all give our hugs goodbye and I really just want the chance to be wrapped in his arms one more time before I go home.  It's warm and strong and doesn't last nearly long enough.

I do make it home, but it was a stupid thing to do for sure.   I feel the need to talk to him just a little more.  Plus, there is something telling me he'll want to know if I made it home ok.  I find where Jenny has checked us in and pull up his facebook profile to send a quick friend request.  Immediately it is accepted with a message letting me know he was going to check on me and I feel a warmth spread through me.  This is going to be trouble.

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